First Date Essay
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The Ever Intimidating First Date - With A Free Essay Review
I was sixteen, I was preparing for the date of a life time with Tori Faulk and I was as nervous as one guy can be. This was my one shot, we had been friends for a while but she had been dating a different guy for nearly two years but this was finally my chance to go a date with her. When I showed up at her house her dad was waiting for me, she was still getting ready. As soon as he shook my hand I could smell his tobacco, which was quite intimidating He took me down stairs to show me his gun collection, and it had to be the biggest collection I had ever seen. He opened a drawer and pulled out a bullet for a .44 magnum and a pocket knife. All of the sudden, I heard a screeching sound that sent chills down my spine. He handed me the bullet and he had carved my initials into the side of it, and told me that he would always be watching me. Just in the nick of time, Tori walked down the stairs and she was the most beautiful thing eyes had ever seen. He blue eyes sparkled and her strawberry brown hair was glowing. First, we went to the park where sat and talked for what seemed like minutes but was actually about two hours. Then she got a text from her friend wanting us to meet her and her friend at a restaurant before we went to a movie. When we got there, her friends judgmental glares made me uncomfortable from the very beginning but I managed to keep my cool. Since neither of us was hungry, we just shared a plate of fries, they were far too salty for my liking but it was just how she liked them. We went straight from there to the movie, which was another interesting experience.
While sitting in the theater, I reached out and held her hand. The only thing I could think about at that moment was how sweaty my hand was. Her hand was so soft and smooth and my hand was sweaty and I was embarrassed. Then she started whispering with her best friend and that was concerning, but it was still manageable for me. After the worst movie ever, we went back to her house and as you can imagine her dad was sitting there on the front porch, sharpening a machete; this guy had mastered the art of intimidation. Luckily, she politely asked him to go inside. Just before I leaned in to kiss her, I noticed a piece of what looked like pepper in her teeth, so a hug had to suffice for the first date. All things considering, it was the best first date of my life and it did lead to a long, however unsuccessful, relationship.
This has to be one of the most unromantic accounts of a first date imaginable, and for that reason I like it, although I'm a bit at a loss for words. You have concocted an unlikely mix of the extraordinary and the extraordinarily banal. The extraordinary figure of the father is altogether unconvincing but also inconsequential. He's a grotesque stereotype but has no effect in your little story beyond intimidating the narrator, and the fact of such intimidation is itself largely inconsequential. I don't want to suggest you getting rid of that figure altogether (do that in such a short story and you've very little left) but I wonder whether you might make him a little more effectual. To describe his effect, you resort to a spine-chilling cliche. Given the deadpan tone of your delivery, I though it might be more appropriate for you to be indifferent or even bored, or at most just a little amused. But if you want to communicate something about being intimidated, then saying baldly that he was intimidating or using the cliche about chills and spines is really not the way to do it. What you ought to do, I think, is show the impact: the boy steps back and stumbles, or coughs, or looks to the ground and wants to say something about not trying anything with the girl but struggles to articulate the words and ends up making a series of incoherent sputters that are thankfully interrupted by the girl coming down the stairs and making a joke about her father's silly games. You have a smaller version of the same problem with the friend whose stares make the guy uncomfortable but he manages to keep his cool. That's a pretty weak scene for me, a weak description of the effect of the friends presence; also weak is the word "concerning" which you use to convey the impact of the friend and the girl talking in the theatre. It would better, I think, to say nothing, or to describe how you (or the narrator) felt about this friend. Generally, you need to work on the descriptive side of your writing. For instance, the girls eyes at the beginning should do something other than sparkle, or if they must sparkle they should at least sparkle like something, just not like diamonds and certainly not like a swimming pool on a sunny day that makes you want to strip to your underwear and jump in, because that might lead you in a direction that makes your reader, and the girls father, uncomfortable--unless thats the effect you are going for. Eyes have been surrounded in the history of poetry by such a dense thicket of cliches that it is difficult to talkMaybe you should talk about her nose instead (as long as you're not planning to call it Roman or small and twitchy). Also, the hair shouldn't glow, and it probably shouldn't be strawberry blond. It's difficult to care about color in such descriptions. Why don't you have the father complain about a skirt that, after all, almost covered her knees, knees that you'd never seen before, and looked ... hmmm ... functional? The last line is almost a perfect anticlimactic conclusion. Change "considering" to "considered" and "however" to "but."
Keep writing, -EJ
Submitted by: Soonerz84
My First Date Narrative Essay
The first date should be one of those events that you remember forever. It signifies the change in a girl's life. She is no longer just a little girl who stays at home and plays with her Barbie. Every girl has imagined what her first date would be like. The standard details of the fantasy first date include: flowers, candy, dinner and a handsome boyfriend. The first date is the night, when many young girls get their hopes up, and their dreams crushed. The date typically does not happen as it had been envisioned. Like many girls, I was a visionary who wanted to experience all that this night had become in my mind. I wanted the candy and the flowers. I had invested hours into planning the night in my head and predicting how it would turn out. I wanted the perfect vision, but I did not see any of it.
My first date did not include the fancy, candle-lit dinner or the man of my dreams, a bouquet of flowers in hand, picking me up from home. Nor did the date include an overly elaborate evening with dancing, exquisite chocolate desserts, or a horse-and-carriage ride home. Even though the date was not the enchanted fairy tale that I had imagined in my mind, it is still a night that I feel deep in my heart. On that night, I experienced for the first time, a roller coaster of emotions, from the moment we made eye contact, the heart of the date, to the ending of a once-in-a-lifetime moment.
On the day of the date, I was tense with fear that the meeting would go horribly wrong. The afternoon sky consisted of massive grey clouds filled with fog. It seemed as though it was going to pour down acidic rain any second. I was in my new outfit that consisted of a cobalt blue t-shirt with raised white stitch lettering spelling out "Fitch", a pair of dark navy colored boot-legged jeans that I had purchased from Charlotte Russe and my favorite pair of black leather boots. My hair was silky-smooth and wavy like those shampoo models on TV, and my face glistened a light tan colour from the Neutrogena concealer that I had used. I stood in the front entrance of the Sunvalley Mall, fiddling with my fingers waiting anxiously and nervously as a student waiting to see her elementary school diploma. I kept pacing back and forth, trying to hide my disappointment that he was 10 minutes late. All kinds of crazy assumptions went through my mind. I kept thinking that he stood me up or that he found another date, which caused me to worry myself even more.
A few minutes later, I spotted him as he walked towards me from across...
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